| 6/30/06 Rain The day evolves as the rain begins to fall and the thunder purges the city sounds and I remember all the mornings of my life when rain became a comforting blanket of space. It slows the world down, it calls off the rush, it eases the necessity of push. Rain gives a silence to the world because it is louder. I have missed the sunshine this spring but the rain has kept me from exhausting myself. She has even depressed me at times, which made me sit and write and muse. Rain is a gift from the creatress for not only nourishment but balance. A new perspective is what I needed. (c) 2006 Raven Su.Sane |
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| 6/29/06 Up Early Up early, making a day from excitement about planting the seedlings of morning glories, moon flowers, sweet peas, red runner beans, nasturtiums, and zinnias. The prettiest seedlings I've ever grown. Making flower beds out of our driveways is necessary at our new home and I have been waiting all night, like a little girl at Christmas. I move into the bend of this day knowing that each flower will give us all joy and color this summer and the wonder at what one bloom possesses in its power to create. My grand-daughter, Mary Beth, and I planted each seed together and her young fingers loved each one. What a sweet pleasure that day was. (c) 2006 Raven Su.Sane |
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| 6/24/06 Distinct Sounds Coming quietly into what matters to me, I insure my day with writing. Writing what centers this day into my life. A life awake to words and how they move about in our lives, like characters on a page. Center, Matter, Life, Quietly, all coming into my day, as markers of what makes me feel Whole. Like many things words have distinct sounds that conjure up certain specific feelings in accordance with their nature and our experience with their nature. Like Alice, we can become large and small, it depends on what side of the word we bite. Each day has its own need and today I need to bite on the large side. (c) 2006 Raven Su.Sane |
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| 6/20/06 Joy Found Me Joy found me. She wrapped around me last night and I slept like a babe. I told Robert yesterday I feel happy but joy doesn't seem to fill me as much. I seem not to find her and he said you don't find joy, she finds you. In that I felt at peace. He was so right, as he so wonderfully often is. He seems to have his own unique and clear way of seeing life and me. It is always straight to my soul. Up early, ready to walk to the ocean and dive back into the changing of studio space. House is almost ready for us to paint the porch and lower trim. What a painted lady she will be. (c) 2006 Raven Su.Sane |
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| 6/19/06 Before Making Up My Mind Before making up my mind I made up my bed. Before making up my mind I made up my day. Before making up my mind I made up my heart. It is not easy to make up so much before you make up your mind, but is usually best to do all this each day, so your mind can rest, recoup, sleep in, maybe then, when it does get made up, it will be in a space of imagining. Today we move studio #28 into studio #26, and this has about bent my mind into a knot, so it will have to sleep in. (c) 2006 Raven Su.Sane |
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| 6/18/06 Sitting Inside the Layers Sitting inside the layers of life that become words, thoughts, ideas, questions and answers, I resolve to begin to feel the acceptance of the beginnings of things. The beginnings that have blurred first steps, little creeping edges, timid openings that the impossible tries to stand in front of. I mark this morning with a giant step that steps over the impossible and bends down deep to gently take the tiny hands of all the beginnings that are trying to emerge this day. I must walk slowly and allow gentleness and patience to have the lead, so all the tiny hands can feel supported by the way I am this day. New seedlings must be allowed at least two sets of leaves and gradual periods in the sun before you transplant them to their permanent places in the garden plan. (c) 2006 Raven Su.Sane |
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| 6/17/06 Folding the Spaces Folding the spaces in my life neatly into my pocket, I begin to feel safer in my day in a home that I have fully brought with what rises within me. Owning inner property was the only way I wanted to own outer property. My body sits so differently now, I fold myself around this feeling and muse into my day. (c) 2006 Raven Su.Sane |
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| 6/16/06 Loft Space Hung screen doors from the Morning Glory Café on the slanted loft ceiling over our bed. An intuitive decision that made me wonder if I went through these doors in my sleep last night. Also hung the "Deer Woman" screen door on one side over our bed. Interesting passages that helped me arise in a different way. The loft and our studio all seem in flux as we try to settle into our new home. Our attic loft, large, so it must wear many hats, and the hats it will wear are not quite yet clear, except where we sleep. That part feels cozy, safe, and joyful. Life seems to be shifting on so many levels I can't keep up, so I guess I better quit trying. That is hard for me, because I flourish in a bit of order, but I also know that all does seem to scramble before it finds its place. Scrambled lightly, with toast. (c) 2006 Raven Su.Sane |
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| 6/13/06 Acceptance and Determination The center of my life is now inside this day. Up early to sun, yoga, and writing. I belong to this day and it unfolds me. The garden blooms and solitary moments now rise within her walls. We tilled two driveways and laid down eight yards of soil rich in all its natural nutrients. We dug at least 300-400 perennials from our old garden the first week in May and now they all begin to bloom as if they have been here for years. Red fences up and new seedlings are on their way in our little green house. I love to watch them pop out of the deep black. The sun finally is out after weeks of rain. The cinnamon red on two upper floors of the outside of the house now and green trim is starting to appear. I open to this time and there is still much to fully put into place; we breathe, we eat, we lift, we tow, we sit and dream, we walk and explore. It will probably take all summer and fall to finish, but it will be set into our future with care and love. This day marks our lives with acceptance and determination. (c) 2006 Raven Su.Sane |
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| 6/12/06 Allow the Day It's Own Timing Up slowly, up gently, kind of lost, beautiful morning. The beginning of a day that unfolds many gifts and I sit into the narrow edge of my seat and try to open my hand, my mind, my feelings. I root myself through my words and give strength to my awareness, as I allow the day it's own timing. I want to sit and dream a little, walk a little, and continue moving our studio. Finally I feel the depth of this time and the nature of its travel, and this depth soothes my soul and heals my body. I know so little of this new pattern, but what I do know is strong, protective, and nurturing. (c) 2006Raven Su.Sane |
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| 6/9/06 Starting Gate Open to life in such a necessary way, I come through the gate trying not to listen to all the rattles at the door. There are at least 10 clanking bottles, 6 cans, and 4 bells banging at the portal, all to scare you away. Like a race horse at the starting gate, one must step into the gate in order to start, but sometimes that is the scariest and most confining of spaces. I sit in my small closet and get used to close sides once again. It must have been an old linen or cupboard closet. It slants down and is built around a small 3 drawer kind of chest. I have left the antique wall paper and boarder. It looks a 100 years old. Robert & I have built a desktop in one of the drawer spaces so I can sit at it. It seems that I can look deep into the distance here, and that is what I need to write in certain ways. I become my own sacred witness here. (c) Raven Su.Sane |
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| 6/8/06 Beginning With the Thread Beginning with the thread in my hand I trace myself back through the joy I've always felt when I sit into my words. At times I have felt I couldn't trace myself back through and I would sit, and there would only be a void. At times this has seemed to happen, like when I was a little girl becoming a woman, and I sat before my dolls and my world of pretend. I realize now that void is when the pretend world is beginning to shift into a reality. Playing at being a woman and mother shifted into being one. Playing at being an artist, writer, mystic begins to shift and the pre tending becomes a real way of being and this is different. In the between I long for the pretend, not knowing it is becoming real right under my feet. I sit in my writing space with candles lit and long for the feeling of mystery, magic, purpose to surround me when actually it is that feeling that sat me down. (c) 2006 Raven Su.Sane |
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| 6/7/06 Within A New Home Unfolding myself within this time once again, I begin, I begin with a new home, a new space, a new foundation and I wait to see how my life relates differently. I sit in a small closet I have made into my writing space. It is like a small world I travel within. I have always loved to travel in small because of the vastness of the void. A friend said it is like a little tree house. The world falls away here, and I can begin to feel who I am in the silence. I have come to realize that this is my life and no one else's. It is up to me to create the quality of breath I breathe in the way I see. I love this new home and the rich colors we have brought to it. Our attic room is sweet and I have a writing table that looks into the tops of the trees. In the night I light a small candle and write by the moon. I begin to let down into this home and allow my heart to settle. I breathe in its 100 years and feel the past settle into its own place. I frame my future in the relationship I keep with my present. Once again I share my morning space and become part of my writing journal community-- sweet joy. (c) 2006 Raven Su.Sane |
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